Episode Transcript
[00:00:22] Welcome back. I'm Jen Potter, the host of the wow Within. We started the show to tell people stories. They have overcome all of these obstacles to be where they are today. And our guest today is actually myself. I figured it'd be a perfect opportunity for me to tell you and all of our listeners who I am and all the things that I've overcome to be where I am today. The reason why the show is so important to me, to be able to tell a story about where I've come from, everything that I've gone through, and why I'm here today. And that's pretty much what I want to talk about with all of my listeners, all of my guests. I want to be able to highlight the things that they have overcome to be the person that they are today. And so, a little bit about me. I am Jen Potter, obviously the host of the wow within, but I am also a serial entrepreneur. I own several businesses here in the United States, on the East Coast. And I have had a journey, my journey, you know, just like everybody else's, we all have different things that we overcome. But my journey has been pretty complex. And it pretty much started when I was a child, and I lived a very tough life growing up. I had a really tough life in my 20s and my 30s. And I always thought that when I would tell my story in front of an audience, that the things that I had to Overcome in my 30s was the topic of the things that everybody would want to hear. And, you know, in my early 30s, I had a heart attack, or late 30s, I had a heart attack. And I've overcome a lot of different things, like a heart condition. And I would talk about that quite often, being a parent and talking about the things that I've had to overcome at that stage in my life. But the thing that actually makes me a little bit more resilient is the things that I've gone through as a child. And it took me up until my 40s to want to actually talk about it, because it's something that was so deep and so sad that I didn't want to share it with other people. And it wasn't that I wanted. I didn't want to share it. It was that I was scared of being judged. And, you know, like most people that go through traumatic things, their fear is what will other people think about me. And it wasn't until my late 30s, early 40s that I got to a point in my life where I said, wait a minute. I don't really care what other people think of Me. And I know that that can sound kind of harsh, but even though I do genuinely care, I got to the point in my life where your opinion of me actually doesn't shape who I am as a person. And it was in that, that, you know, point of my life where I knew that there was a part of me that needed to tell my story. And as a writer and an author and someone who is slowly starting to tell their story, I wanted to just give a little tid. I'm writing a three part memoir. So today I'm going to tell you a little tiny bit of the journey and where I am and how it got me through all of these different stages in my life. And you know, it kind of shoots back to when I was a child and some of the things that I had the hardest time accepting was the family I was born into. And you know, my dad is a fantastic father. You know, he worked a lot when I was a child, so he wasn't really home all the time. But I, I was with my mom a lot of the time in, in my earlier eight, you know, earlier years. But there were a lot of things that my, my dad didn't know. There were a lot of things that my mom did and other family members that, you know, we kept very quiet. So my dad, you know, kind of never really knew what happened to me as a child. And in hindsight, it's heartbreaking because as a parent myself, it's really tough to think about, you know, all of the things that I've been through as a child and having, you know, a very young, you know, family. You know, my kids age range between 4 and 12 years old. And I think about what it was, what it's like for them and what it was like for myself. And it's hard. It's really, really hard. But I think that's why I, I needed to kind of talk a little bit about, about my childhood. And so, you know, growing up, my parents were very young when they had me. My mom was a teenager. My dad, you know, just hit his 20s. And they were young, they were young and they, they worked a lot. And you know, my grandparents, you know, tend to watch, watch myself when I was little and very early on, I was sexually abused by a family member. And that was something that I suppressed for a very long time and didn't really talk about till I got older. And when I did bring it up when I was a little bit older, I was told that I was a liar. So for many decades after that, I kept that Very quiet. And that was the, you know, beginning of a lot of trauma for myself.
[00:05:37] In my early, early ages, before the age of 10, my mom pretty much raised me and my brothers. My dad worked a lot. She was diagnosed with cancer when I was very young. She also was a severe alcoholic and a closet drug addict. And so a lot of people didn't really see that side of her. But, you know, she drank a lot. She drank like a case of beer a day, which I, you know, in hindsight, pretty excessive. And you know, most people drink like a drink or two a day, and that's excessive. But she could drink 12 to 24 a day. She smoked. She also did a lot of heavy drugs. And. And I was raised in that. I was raised in this environment where drugs and alcohol are very heavily used. My dad worked a lot, so he didn't see a lot of it. And my mom, who was a very kind, beautiful woman, when she drank, she was very aggress.
[00:06:35] My, like I said, my dad worked a lot, so my dad didn't see a lot of that. And I'm sure that there are parts that my dad probably did see. And because he worked so much, he either turned a blind eye to it or thought maybe, you know, the aggression was only towards him.
[00:06:49] But my mom physically abused me pretty heavily before the age of 10. There were, you know, instances where, you know, she would push me down a flight of stairs or, you know, there's. There's one part in, in my book that I write that when I think about it, it makes me laugh now as an adult. But, you know, I think it took a lot of healing for me to kind of get beyond this. But there's a song called in the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. And every time I hear that song, it has been a trigger for me. I would hear the song and every time I hear it, like that feeling would just come through my entire body. It was a full fledged trigger. It would give me a flashback to instantly where I was in that moment. And this particular chapter that I write about. And, you know, that song comes on and my mom would play the song over and over. She was obsessed with Phil Collins. But I specifically remember, you know, being in a bunk bed. I remember the metal, the sound, the look, and I remember her specifically waking me up. I don't know what time it was, I don't know where my dad was, but she would make me wake up and she'd make me dance with her. And you know, she. She was always trying to be happy. And in the moment. And when I think of some of it, I think of, like, this. I try to remember her being super happy, but at the same time, I also think, who was this woman to wake me up in the middle of the night and make me dance? And if I didn't, I would be punished for it. And as a child, like, you know, trying to process what that all meant, I didn't. I didn't quite understand. And, you know, there are times where I'd be very heavily beaten if I didn't obey and I didn't dance or I didn't do the things that she wanted me to do. And, you know, like I said in.
[00:08:45] In my memoir, I go into more detail about what. What that was like because it was very traumatic for me as a child. And, you know, but there were things that I flashback to and there are things that I talk about that I remember my mom specifically saying to me that if I told my father, she would kill him and my brothers in their sleep. And so, as a scared child, I kept my mouth shut for a very, very long time. And it wasn't until she passed away about a year and a half ago, and I started releasing a lot of my trauma and acknowledging it, accepting it without anger. But that song came on. That song came on before she passed away. And I remember playing it for her at, you know, her deathbed and telling her that, you know, I forgave her for all of those moments and that all of the things that she put me through as a child made me the person that I am today. But hearing that song no longer makes me feel as though I am this poor victim of a child, but instead the strength of a human that is able to be the mother that my mom could never be. And, you know, when she passed away or was about to pass away, I remember thinking for the first time in my life, I'm like, I didn't want her to leave. And I finally got to a place in my life where I got to acceptance and that all of the things that I went through as a child, that despite what type of person she was, this is no longer the person that she is. And it took me to a different level in my life where I thought when my mom passed away, all the trauma in my life was going to release and I was going to feel so much better. And I laugh about that every time I think about it, because I think, wow, what was I thinking? You know, you feel like, okay, your abuser is passing away, and so therefore, you're going to release all of this energy, and you're going to be in a better place. And honestly, I've spent the past year and a half really working on myself becoming a better person, being able to tell these stories in a place that I've never been able to tell them. And, you know, going through these things as a young child, and that's just up until the age of 10, how they affected me. 30 plus years later, 30 plus years later, I am at a place in my life in my 40s, where I'm finally accepting that. And as a parent, my goal is to make sure that my kids never experience trauma like that, to make sure that they're going to go through their own thing, whatever. You know, we all have children, we all go through something. But I can only hope as a parent that every decision that I make is not to the point that it's unbelievably traumatic for my children and hoping that we break these generational, you know, traumas in order to make our kids a little bit better. And so that's a little bit about my early, early age traumas. And, you know, as I get older, there are other things that I've kind of gone through, but it's that foundation that brought me to where I am today. And it wasn't until my 40s that I started acknowledging it and acknowledging it from, like I said, a place of acceptance and a place of acknowledgment without anger. And I think that that's probably one of the biggest things that I've learned over the past year, is that we can go through things and we don't need to let them go, but we need to acknowledge them and we need to start healing from them. So when we come back from the break, we're going to talk a little bit more about all the things that I have gone through from childhood to now to get me to where I am today. So stay tuned.
[00:13:08] Welcome back. I'm Jen Potter, the host of the wow within. And today I'm telling you a little bit about my story, about where I've been and all of the things that led me to where I am today. And in the first segment, we talked a little bit about my childhood, about how there were certain things in my childhood that I had to overcome at a very early age. My mom was one of my abusers. I was sexually and physically abused by multiple family members when I was a child.
[00:13:38] And it's. It's really hard to talk about that. Right. You know, we talk about. We have people on the show and they talk about their stories and all the things that they overcame. And, you know, it's. There's a lot of credit that needs to go into someone being able to come face to face with the things that they've gone through throughout their lives. And for me personally, I didn't always want to talk about those things. And I've been through some very traumatic things. And I talked a little bit about this before, but in my thirt, I was diagnosed with a heart condition. And from my 30s to now, so the past, you know, 12, 13 years, I've pretty much talked about the trauma that I've gone through in the past 13 years. Having a heart condition, having a heart attack. But I never quite talked about my childhood. And I didn't talk about my childhood because of that fear of, oh my God, what are they going to think, right? And I said that before, what is someone going to think of me if they know that these things happen to me, that my mom was a drug addict and an alcoholic, and oh my God, what are they going to think of me if they knew that my grandfather was a pedophile? That has nothing to do with me. And you know, it took a long time for me to say, this is me, that is them. I can only be responsible for the person that I am. I can't be responsible for the people around me. And, you know, that's. I don't really give a lot of advice, but the, you know, few rules of advice is don't listen to anybody else's advice. And the other rule of advice is, is only, you can only control what we can control. We can't control how other people are going to respond or how they're going to act. But we can control how we respond and we can control how we react. And it wasn't until I had to really hear that over and over and over again until I started realizing, wow, you know what? I'm not responsible for the things that, that happened to me as a child, but I am responsible for my healing. And, you know, when I was younger, up until the age of like 10, 11, my mom lived with us. And as we got older, my dad was a single dad for a long time and he took care of me and my brothers, which meant my dad worked full time. And I spent a lot of time being the mom. I had to grow up very fast.
[00:15:57] I think of my 12 year old now, and I'm just like, wow, my daughter can barely make macaroni and cheese in the microwave. And I remember making full fledged Meals for my siblings at that time and my teenage years and my early 20s were. Were very difficult.
[00:16:18] The decade between 10 and 20, I lived with my dad and my siblings, my brothers, and, you know, life was. Life was tough. My dad worked a lot. My dad worked really hard to take care of us, and it was still really difficult. We lived off of, you know, food stamps and the Salvation army and, you know, all of these subsidized programs to be able to take care of us and make sure that we had a roof over our head, make that we had heat in the house. There were times as a kid, I. I think about this and I retell this story quite often because it's comical. I cannot eat out of a microwave. I can heat up rice and popcorn, but I cannot physically eat anything reheated from a microwave. When we were a child, when we were children, we ran out of propane in the house that we lived in, but we still had to eat. And I remember my dad said, let's put a chicken in the microwave. And did you know you can cook a chicken in a microwave, but when you cook a chicken in the microwave, it turns gray? But that was the only way that we were eating. And the smell and the thought of that chicken, to this day still, I just think of it and I can smell it, and I'm like, nope.
[00:17:35] But we did what we had to do to survive. We ate a lot of Mac and cheese, a lot of ramen, and a lot of things in a microwave, and it was disgusting and traumatizing. But I'm still here today, so I guess that's a positive. But there were a lot of things that we had to go through in, in that time frame. And there are a lot of things that happened.
[00:17:56] Like I said, because my dad worked so much, I had to overcome a lot. I had to grow up very quickly. Thankfully, throughout high school, I was able to participate in programs that, that, you know, enriched my education. You know, school came very easy to me, so I never really had to try. I have a photographic memory, so being able to. To just pass it was easy. So I was able to kind of get by. I never really tried too hard. I played sports, but still, again, I never tried. I. I tried to just keep my head above water and, and kind of try to stay low key. I.
[00:18:35] I loved people, but I always felt like I never really fit in. And I don't know if I felt like I didn't fit in because, you know, I had to wear my dad's clothes to school because we really didn't have much. And, you know, trying to make that look cool and trying to, you know, fit in and not be made fun of was very difficult. But as I started getting a little bit older, I realized that one of the things that I have always been good at, being the center of attention.
[00:19:07] Somehow, very early on, I realized that I could be the center of attention for. For anything. I knew that when I walked in a room, everyone would pay attention to me. I knew when I told a story, everybody would listen to me. And so as I started getting a little bit older in my late teens and my early 20s, I started using that to my advantage. I started using it to get jobs. I started using it to start to get in with the people that I knew that if I impressed one more person, I could. I could get on to the next thing, whether it was in school, whether it was at work, what. Whatever that may be, anything I wanted. I knew that I just had to talk to someone or smile and. And I could get what I wanted. And so from late teens to early 20s, I started becoming a very heavy people pleaser. I knew that if I could get whatever I want and be like, look what I did. Look what I did for you. And, you know, I got the highest score on this test. I got, you know, the highest award in this. In this program. And. And I was constantly seeking validation. But I knew that if I. If I sought validation, that I'd be like, look what I did. I had this awful childhood, but I could say to someone, I did this one thing, so there.
[00:20:33] How cool am I? And I use that as a distraction. I said, if I did all of these things, it would distract everybody from all of the negative things that happened in my life. And we're continuing to happen. You know, when I was in my 20s, I dated someone who is very verbally abusive. And I think in hindsight, I never quite saw it. I saw it as an opportunity for me to try to fix people. I was also, you know, that type of person. If I couldn't fix myself, but I could fix other people. So those were the people that I surrounded myself with. And. And so that's not necessarily the case, because we can't fix somebody who doesn't want to be fixed. But, you know, I was young and naive, and I thought that that was. That was it, right? Like, oh, if I'm with this person, you know, I can fix them. No, we can't fix anybody. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Remember what I said? We control ourselves. We cannot control other people. And so I. I put myself in. Myself in situations that were. I thought I could control and, you know, not having control when I was younger, I would say, I'm gonna do all of these things. In my early 20s, not early 20s, late 20s, I actually ran the Boston Marathon. And I only ran the Boston Marathon to be like, this is because it's something I wanted to do. I was, you know, I am and was an athlete, and I ran the Boston Marathon the first time just to say I ran the Boston Marathon. And it was more so of, hey, look what I can do. Look what, you know, if. If I want to do something, I'm gonna do it. And. And I've proven that time and time again. I've always wanted to teach my kids, if there's something you want to do, you can do it. And I'm not a fast runner by any means, but for me, it was my excuse to divert the. The attention, right? So if I said, look at all of this. I ran the Boston Marathon. I've. I've worked all of these jobs, I have all of these degrees. I. Look what I can do. And part of it was trying to get the attention from the people that I needed it the most.
[00:22:48] And. And truth be told, it was trying to get my dad's attention. And I knew that I lost my mom's attention a long time ago, but it was in my 20s where I started doing all of these things to be like, dad, look what I did. Like, I. I ran the Boston Marathon, and they were there that day. They all missed me at the finish line the first time I ran the Boston Marathon because my time sucked and my chip stopped. And so they never got to actually crossed the finish line. But my dad and my stepmom and my siblings and my husband were all there and boyfriend at the time. And, you know, it was great that they were there, but it was also disappointing because I'm, like, across the Boston Marathon finish line, and nobody was there to. To cheer me on. So it was like I just did that, but no one was there to witness it. And. But it was more so from that place of, look what I can do, look what I did. You know, I got my. My finally finished my degree in my late 20s. And I remember how important it was for me to have my. My dad there. And there was. There was a reason why he had to leave after the graduation. And I just remember saying to myself, like, why do I seek that attention so much from. From somebody else? But I don't seek it for myself. And that was kind of a pivotal moment for me.
[00:24:17] I spent 30 years trying to get other people's attention to say, look, look at me. And not realizing that the only validation that I needed to seek was from myself. And so I spent the next decade starting to work on myself a little bit more and being in a different headspace and being in a different place and becoming a mom that, you know, it took some serious time and serious work to. To kind of get to that point. And, you know, it took over a decade. It took over a decade to be the person that can now sit in front of you and say, I finally put the work in. So for the first 30 years of my life, I. I went through a lot of trauma. And then I. I started seeking validation and even, you know, regressing, even. Even in my 30s. I rest a lot in my 30s as well. But it was. It was getting up until that point. And so we're gonna take another quick break, and when we come back, we're gonna talk about how the last decade kind of shifted my perspective and kind of getting to where I am today. So stay tuned. We'll be right back.
[00:26:03] Welcome back. I'm Jen Potter, the host of the wow within. And today we're continuing to tell my story. The reason why the show is so important to me, to be able to highlight other people's stories from where they were to where they are today. And that wow factor of all of the things that someone has overcome to be the person that they are today, Myself included. So in the first two segments, I talked a little bit about my childhood and getting through pretty much my 20s. And, you know, once I hit my 30s, I thought that I. I was in a good place. I was convinced that I was making big changes in my life and I was healing and I was growing. And in hindsight, I was. But I think it was my 30s that kind of taught me the most about who I am and the type of person that I wanted to be and what who I want to be. I was still a people, people pleaser in my 30s. I still, I still wanted to be like, hey, look at me. Look at all the things. I, you know, I have this amazing family that I, you know, I married into. My husband is incredible and handsome, and I have these beautiful children and, you know, all of these things. I live in this beautiful area. I'm no long, you know, living in the city and living in poverty. I've actually made something for myself. And all of those things are true. I do not Deny any of them. I am 100% grateful for the life that I have created and. And all of the things that I have gone through. And I don't know what it would have looked like if anything else fell differently. In my 30s, you know, my husband was very supportive of all of the things that. That I did and all of the things that I went through. While I was pregnant with my daughter, I was diagnosed with a heart condition. I thought we were going to lose her or myself, and it was very, very scary. I was seven months pregnant, and I got diagnosed with pericarditis. I had a tear around the lining of my heart, and I was told that.
[00:28:21] That it probably wouldn't happen again, but it was a freak accident. And truth be told, I spent over a decade reliving that nightmare over and over again, seeing multiple doctors, dealing with a heart condition that just came out of nowhere. The year before I had my daughter, I ran the Boston Marathon for the first time. And then to be told after she was born that I'm probably never going to run long distance ever again. And, I mean, you know, in pure honesty, I really didn't care about running long distance. I cared about being alive to take care of my children. And, you know, it was. It was really difficult. And it's. It's funny because I'm looking at all the things behind me, and you can kind of see it over there in the corner.
[00:29:01] I spent my 30s running a lot of Spartan races, running a lot of mini races, and doing obstacle courses, because they were things that I could get my heart rate up, and then I could get my heart rate down. And proving to the doctors that no matter what you're telling me, I could still do all of the things. And I probably should have listened a little bit more, but I had some really, you know, really amazing doctors that were like, you know what? You are still young. You are still healthy. Keep living your life. And so I did. I continued to live my life. I went through other health challenges. I had my, you know, my second son who was born with a handful of different things and different challenges. And that, you know, kind of took a toll as well. But it taught me a lot about myself. It. It also taught me how to persevere a little bit, a little bit harder because of all the things that this little man had to go through to be where he is today. It taught me a lot about myself. And, you know, with my heart condition, in 2000, I think 18, I had a mini heart attack on my way to a business accelerator program. And I think about how it happened and when it happened, and it came out of nowhere. And thankfully, I was a mile away from the hospital. In hindsight, I should have stopped. I should have pulled over. I should have had an ambulance come and get me. My heart rate was over 200. And to be perfectly honest, I was scared I was going to die. So I kept driving, and I called Jim. I put him on speakerphone, and, you know, he had no idea what was happening, but I had him on the phone with me. And another fun traumatic event was that day. And I remember going. Driving to the hospital. I parked my car. A cop almost hit me because they were trying to get out of a parking spot. And I remember parking my car and telling this story is.
[00:31:01] It's almost surreal sometimes. So, you know, the city that I. I lived in, the hospital was right down the street. Like, I said, I was going to a business accelerator program. So, like, I was, like, dressed up. I was like, I've just started another business, like, my first real big business. And so, like, I'm dressed up and, you know, ready for the day. And I get out of the car, and I have him on speakerphone, and I can't breathe. I can't see. I start having double vision. But something unique happened to me in that moment. I started going into upper body paralysis, which meant from the waist up, everything froze, including my mouth and my hands. And I had my phone in my hand, and it was, like, stuck in my hand, and I was stuck like this. And because I couldn't breathe, and my heart rate was so high, and there happened to be firefighters over by the entrance, and I managed to get their attention, and he was on the phone and.
[00:31:57] And. And him screaming, she's having a heart attack. She has a heart condition. And going into this hospital, the nurse was yelling at me. She was telling me to shut up, to stop screaming, and she told another nurse to get Narcan. Now, I was on heart medication, and with certain medications, Narcan actually cause you to go into cardiac arrest. They do say it's soluble, but based off of the medication that I was taking at the time, it actually would have been very, very dangerous. And if Jim wasn't screaming on the phone, I. Something awful could have probably happened. And, you know, when they did the ekg, she walked out of the room and left me in a room by myself until my body started, like, decompressing. And they gave me, you know, all. The medic started giving me medication and stuff to. To kind of come back, but I remember in that moment, you, woman screaming and yelling at me, like, here I am. This. I've gone through all of this drama already. I'm having a heart attack, and this woman yelling at me, thinking that I'm a drug addict. And I remember when I got my voice back and I started like, you know, they gave me all the medication, and I remember screaming, you know, like, who does this woman think she is? Like, she's like, sitting here looking at me, calling me like a drug addict. And she came in and apologized after the fact because she said because I was young and pretty, she assumed that I was oding on heroin Because a majority of the people that come into the hospital are exactly that. And, you know, it was kind of in that. In that moment, I was like, oh, like, you know, my life is, you know, I've gone through. I've gone through a lot. And this is just another one of those trauma things to add to my list of things. But it also made me want to advocate a little bit more for. For my health and advocate for women and also target demographic. Like, you can be a super, you know, healthy and. And a pretty woman and, and be dealing with health issues and, and not drug issues. And. But because I looked young and because I looked healthy, therefore, that was. That was a problem. And I just remember, I'm like, that's one more thing to add to the list of all of the things that, like. Like, why. Why do all these things keep happening to me? And then I started changing my mentality after that, and I had. I had my. My third son not about a year and a half after, after that happened and gone through some other traumatic things in the process as I kind of got to that. But I just remember. I just remember after that, my. My mind. My mind started shifting. I started really thinking about all of the things that I have gone through. And like I said, they didn't happen to me. They happened for me. And all of the experiences led me to where I am today, that if I didn't go through all of these things, I wouldn't be the person sitting in front of you today. I wouldn't be able to say, I understand. I understand what it's like to be a people pleaser. I understand what it likes to go through abuse. I understand what it's. What it's like to go through very scary health problems. But yet I'm still here and I'm sitting in front of you, and this is just a small piece of all of the different little traumas that I have gone through, but we all go through them. And. And we think that we're alone. We think that we're alone when we go through all of these things. And a few years ago in, I think it was the year I turned 40, I decided that I wanted to run the Boston Marathon again. But I decided that it wasn't for a pace. Like, it wasn't for pace. I could honestly care less how long it took me to finish this marathon. But I finally, for the first time, said, I need to do this for me. I need to do something for me. I'm not running the marathon for anybody else other than myself to prove to myself that we can go through all of these things and someone can tell us that we can't do something, but we control our narrative. We control the things that we do. You know, I tell my kids all the time, you can do anything that you want to do, and I'm proof, and I want my kids to see that you can go through all of this awful stuff, but there's always a workaround, right? If you want to do something, you can always do it. And running the Boston Marathon for the second time was. Was me proving to myself that no matter what I've gone through, I can always overcome it. And it was. It was then. It was when I turned 40, my life really started to change, and I stopped doing stuff for other people. I stopped. I didn't run the marathon to say, hey, look what I did, because I ran it. And. And it was great. And I did it for me. And.
[00:36:54] And it really. It put me in a different place. It put me in a place that I'm finally validating myself. And I think it takes us so long to stop worrying about what other people think and start worrying about ourselves. And it was. It was that year that everything started to change. And so when we come back, we're going to talk about the last few years of my life and how I got to where I am today and why I. I wake up with a different type of confidence. So stay tuned. We'll be right back.
[00:38:05] Welcome back. I'm Jen Potter, the host of the wow Within. And today I've been talking a little bit about my story and some of the things that I've gone through that has brought me from where I was to where I am today. And my story is complex, and there's. There's a lot to it. And I just told a little bit about some of the stories that have shaped me into the person that I am. And in this last segment, I really want to just kind of talk about the work that I have put in over the past two years and to really grow. And I think I was kind of forced by nature to put in a little bit of extra work. And, you know, in my 30s, I was a yoga instructor, a Reiki practitioner, started multiple businesses, but yet I just still kept going, what's next? What's next? And it was. I was almost infamous for it. It's like I'd get to a milestone and be like, okay, I achieved this, let's go on to the next thing. And I would never actually stop and appreciate the journey. I would never appreciate the trophy or the award or the milestone. I'd be like, I ran the boss marathon. Okay, next, next.
[00:39:21] But then it got to a point where I was called out. I have spent the later part of my 30s owning several businesses, and even into my 40s, I still own several businesses. And, you know, they're going very well. And one of them being a consulting agency. And I have helped so many clients really get to where they want to be in life. Life. And I'll never forget, you know, my mom passed away a year and a half ago. And like I said in an earlier segment, you know, I thought when she passed away, my life was going to change. I was going to be in a better place. All of the trauma would just release from my body and life would just be great, which is completely the furthest from the truth because it forced me to start acknowledging the things that I've been through, acknowledging the trauma, really start to, hey, all of this stuff happened. You're in your 40s, it's time to heal. And I think when I was at the lowest point of, you know, my mom passing and just really starting to accept that this woman who I wanted dead for so long, and I don't mean that in a malicious way, she. She had a lot of her own demons and she put me through a lot. And you know, when. When you're in your 30s and you have drug dealers still calling you, threatening you and threat in your family, you really just wish that this didn't exist anymore. And, you know, that's a story for another time. So, you know, when you read my books, you'll get to hear a little bit more about that story. But it. It was from a place of, I just don't have the energy to deal with this anymore. And if she wasn't part of my life, my life would be easier. And. And I don't think that's the truth because she wasn't fully part of my life, but therefore, But. But I was still holding on to this. She still is here, so therefore, she's still part of my trauma. And as my mom passed away, I remember a client saying to me, when are you going to start taking your own advice? And I was furious with her. I remember saying, what are you talking about? Like, I take my own advice. She goes, you give all of this advice. You teach people to follow their gut instinct. You tell people to live their best life. Like your handle on social media is, Jen, Live your best life, but yet you are miserable. And it's not that I was miserable. It was that I don't think I was living up to my true potential. And it was through that getting called out that I started to reassess things a little bit. And, you know, people tell me all the time, you know, they love. They love to be around me and they want my time. And I spent so many years filling the void of time with people's attention. And I would give all of my attention to all of these people, and I would be there and I'd support them because that's what I truly love to do. But I'd come home and I'd be like, on zero. I'd have nothing left to give. I'd have nothing left to give my children and my husband. And I was showing up, but I was done. I'd get home at night, I would go on the computer, I would do more work, I would go on my cell phone, I would post things on social media, look at all the things that I did, look at all these things, you know, highlighting other people and. But I wasn't working on myself, right? I was helping other people work on themselves, but I wasn't putting the work in for myself and, you know, growing the businesses. I thought that that was putting in the work, but it wasn't. You know, being a life and business strategist, being a, you know, the owner of several businesses, helping people get jobs and helping. Helping so many people, it was so gratifying. But I wasn't saving any of that energy for myself. And it wasn't until I got called out, my mom passed. My, you know, personal life was just a little bit more difficult at that point. Point. And I started to reflect inward a little bit. I started to question where I was, what I was doing, how I wanted to do it. And I started asking myself these questions every day. What is it that I want to do? What is fulfilling? What is something that I can do to take care of myself. And first it was start listening to the inner dialogue, right? The inner dialogue is telling me these are the things that you, you, that you want. And for so long you stop telling everybody what you wanted because you'd be like, well, what do you want? Well, I want, you know, Thai food for dinner, but you want Mexican, so therefore I want Mexican. And I know it doesn't seem like a really big, you know, deal, but when you're doing that every day, like, I like Mexican, but that's not what I wanted. And I would just say, you know what, that's fine, I don't need that, I'll have this. And I stopped putting just something, something so simple on the back burner that it turned into all kinds of other things for so long. And it was that people pleaser in me, right? Like, well, if you want this, then I want that too. Because if, if it's something that you think that I, I like, then therefore you're gonna like me that much better. And so I started working on the people pleasing side and I started showing up as myself and to some people that was not. And that's okay. I started saying this is what I want and if you don't like it, that's okay. I started setting boundaries. I started saying from this time to this time is my work time. If anyone gets an email from me, my email says after 4 o'clock it's time for my family because that's time I'm never going to get back. My 4 year old is only going to be a day older tomorrow. My daughter is going to be a teenager this year. You know, like in just a few years. My daughter's getting a car.
[00:45:25] It wasn't that long ago that I was holding her as a baby in my arms. And time goes by so unbelievably fast that we just want to say, this is what I want next. This is what I want next. I want to wake up and this is what I want to achieve. But what about being present? What about being here in this moment and saying this is what I want right here? I want to truly be present when I come home at the end of the night. I want to put my cell phone down and I want to ask my kids how their day was. I don't want to be so depleted that I don't have the energy to be present for my family and be present for my children. So I really started putting in the work. I started, you know, doing things that made me happy, you know. This year I partnered with a few people for my businesses, because I know that if. If I allow somebody else to do some of the work, I can give myself what I. What I truly need for myself. You know, for 25 years, I wanted to be a writer and an author. And year alone, I published. I was published twice. I published my own book. And then I was in a collaboration. And my lifelong dream has always been to own a publishing company. And I always was like, I don't have no qualifications to do that, but I have every qualification to do that. I also have the experience. And this year, I launched a publishing company, and I didn't put it all over social media. I didn't tell anybody. And I mean, I know I'm telling you as my audience right now, but I decided that I wasn't gonna. I wasn't gonna glow. Well, everything that I did, I was going to do for me. And somehow I. The universe started giving me clients without me even talking about it. And so I'm like, that's how I know that this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to help other people tell their story. I said, you know, in an earlier segment, something that I am fully aware of. I am fully aware that when I walk into a room, people pay attention to me. I am fully aware of the energy that I create, because I know know I have all of this energy inside of me. And I can choose to use that energy to be like, hey, look at me. Or I can take that energy and I can say, hey, look at this person. It's why I have this show. Talking to you today is probably one of the hardest things that I'm doing because I stopped making everything about me and I started saying, my purpose is to help other people tell their story. My purpose is to help other people heal. And I put in the work. Work. I put in a lot of work. I go to therapy. I have a coach. I do both. You know, working on the past and working on the present. I journal quite often. One of the coolest things that I started working on not that long ago is journaling to acknowledge my feelings. And it sounds kind of silly, but I have a journal that I keep with me at all times. And when I'm super full of energy or anger or upset or whatever that may be, I excuse myself from a situation and I actually go write it down, because a feeling is a past tense. So something gets you worked up in a moment, write it out. You're able to have a more constructive conversation after the fact because you got it out. And sometimes we let out our aggression or anger in a moment and we say things that we don't want to necessarily say, or we say them in a way that is hurtful, that could have a long term effect on somebody.
[00:48:43] I started with this one practice for myself is the decision I make today will affect myself and my family 10 years from now. And it puts me more in a present mindset. I stopped watching tv. So yes, I do watch tv. I have a TV in my house, but I don't watch TV regularly. My kids will have a show on and I very rarely watch it. But when I'm by myself or at the end of the night, I don't watch TV before bed anymore. I try to come off my cell phone phone relatively early in the evening just so I'm not on, I'm not on social media as much as I used to be. And you know, it's funny for a person who owns multiple businesses and who is also a, you know, a TV personality, like you would think, like, oh, well, they need to be more present online. I find that the less I am online, the more of a presence that I have. And so I'm more intentional when I show up. So when I, when I show up, I'm telling a story of where I, you know, where I am today and what I'm working on. And I stopped gloating. I started living in the moment and I started being more present. And by doing all of those things, from the moment I was called out by a client, all of the things that I did for my clients, I started doing for myself, I started listening to myself, I started taking my own advice. I started saying, well, if my body is telling me that I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do it. And there are some times that we got to do some things and show up for our family and show up for our kids and we're not necessarily going to love it, but, but we also need to continue to say, this is how these things make me feel. And I think the more intentional we are with the things that we do, the more intent that we put on, you know, healing from the past and acknowledging it again. You know, one of the best things that I've heard and, you know, it was something that Jim learned in his own therapy was, you know, acknowledging without anger and I can accept something without anger and I can be more present. And it's gonna, it's there, it exists, but trying to be a little bit more present with it. And so again, this is Just part of my story. I am writing a three part memoir and one of the volumes will come out this year. So volume two will come out first which will be kind of the mid section of like, you know, my 20s and my 30s. And then volume one will be my childhood which is a little bit more traumatic. So that will get, that will get published. Second. Second, because I don't, I don't want to come out the gate with all of the trauma. It all exists, it's all there. But I ideally I would like to tell my story a little bit out of order to give a little bit more context. And then the third book is, you know, kind of learning how to heal. And I've been writing them simultaneously for the past few years. So they are just about ready to be published and I'm going to self publish them through my publishing company. And you know, I love helping people tell a story. It's why I started the show. So if you have a story to tell, hotel and you want to be a guest on the show, you can reach out to me. You can reach out to NOW Media Network. You can find me on social media at Jen Underscore. Live your best life. If you look up Jen, live your best life on any social media platform, I will pull up on every single social media platform with that handle and it's because I believe in living your best life every single day. So again, my name is Jen Potter. I am the host of the wow. It's within. And I look forward to meeting you and hearing your story. Have a great day.
[00:52:12] This has been a Now Media Network's feature presentation. All rights reserved.
